HawthorneVillager.com

My BBQ is still in the box

Same here. Took a little over an hour and a half. Easiest BBQ I've ever put together. Everything fit perfectly.

Doesn't everything have carcinogen's these days?

I don't BBQ either. That's the man's job.

No one can be this backwards.

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Some people are like slinkies. They're really good for nothing but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

I feel sorry for your wife - she must be a saint to put up with a gentleman such as yourself.

And I'll cook stuff on the stove, he does the BBQing, and we have a cleaning lady for the majority of the housecleaning.

I have a cleaning lady too...jealous cause we can afford one and you can't?

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Some people are like slinkies. They're really good for nothing but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

You don't cook, don't clean, sound like you dont enjoy banging. What exactly are you good for?

Ur an ass
I bang like the best of them dammit!

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Some people are like slinkies. They're really good for nothing but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

I'm not insane...just a tad loopy but that's why ppl wuv me!

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Some people are like slinkies. They're really good for nothing but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Oh I clean in between the times she's here, I do my fair share of vacuuming and dusting - but I sure as hell am not cleaning my BF's piss off a toilet seat or his shavings from the shower.

Please tell me you do not leave peepee on the toilet seat until the cleaning lady arrives

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Some people are like slinkies. They're really good for nothing but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Not on the actual seat you sit on, but the underneath part.

I don't pee on it, so I'm not cleaning it up.
It's up to him to clean that part.

Anyways, this post went pretty sideways from the original topic….


We have a Weber.

I once sh*t all over my toilets seat, took like 2 hours for my fiancee to completely clean.

Didn't make it in time? How do you miss the bowl on that one?
You and your sh*t stories…lol

Your fiancee is a gem - I would have made you do it.

Lets clear all these misconceptions up here shall we. Below is a short story, by your favourite neighbourhood Milf hunter, Hawthorny.

After a devastating evening of beers, burgers, poutine and ribs, my stomach was literally a Mt. Vesuvius waiting to destroy all in its path. I had gone for a quick Timmies run and as I pulled into my driveway, I then realized that the coffee had acted quicker then expected. I got out of my car to make a B-Line for my front door, unfortunately nature didn't agree with my intentions and decided it was coming out then and there. I stood still, in my driveway, clinching my butcheeks together with the power of Thor. I swear if you had put coal in my anus at that point, I would have made diamonds. I gave myself a minute to decide the best course of action, by that time, the tidal wave of a shitstorm had temporarily subsided, so seeing my window of opportunity, I made my run for it. Knowing already that this was going to be a messy incident, I ran for the ensuite bathroom for instant access to the shower. While dropping my drawers, my Anus decided to give me a resounding "oh no you di-eeeeeent" and decided to erupt just as my pants went down, but before my ass hit the seat. What happened next, I am sure will be made into a movie remake one day. It was part fart, part sh*t, part stuff that flies out of your lawnmower when you cut your grass. It was pure Armageddon. Fortunately, I was able to stabilize the situation by finally getting on the seat, but nevertheless, the damage was done. The tank looked like it was one of those pic cards you see when you go to a psychiatrist. The floor was a disaster. As it was a post drinking sh*t, it was liquidy death and had crept into every crevice of the toilets inner workings. Ever have to clean sh*t out of 1/16" hole? I hope you haven't, because I have. Thats all for today folks.

Oh and Jack, the names are:

Nigella
Lexington
Sophia

Those names make it more manly


*** Worst part of that story for me. Standing still in my driveway like a tool while all of my neighbours stared at me like some wierdo.